Free Education Ideas

Free online educational ideas

Posted On July - 29 - 2011 0 Comment

Raising a child is a delicate balance between love, acceptance and determination, knowing how to put limits. How to grow our children better is a question that parents often ask themselves. It is the happy case that of the parents who are trying to raise their children with love, and responsibility. There are also abusive parents who hurt their children in various ways (emotionally, physically) and who believe that they are right, that they know how to raise a child and thus they are abusing the life they gave him.

It is beautiful, but also difficult to be a parent, especially where there is no school to teach us how to be good parents and how to love children to help the life that we gave him to grow in themselves and flourish. Frequently in a family, the mother and the father have very different positions and attitudes towards children. In fact, it is important that parents agree with each other, to have a unified approach and not one of them to ask something to the child and the other one the opposite. The harmony that exists or not in a couple will be reflected and in how children are raised. It is vital to understand as parents that the role of the mother is closely linked with the role of the father and each of them brings something essential and indispensable in the relationship with their child.

The mother brings love with her kindness, understanding, comfort, tenderness, the containing of the child’s emotional states, protection and the father brings the love with his firmness, puts the limits, clarifies and gives meaning to the child’s actions. Initially, the mother is the one who gives life to the child, then she feeds him, cares for him, keeps him in her arms, kisses him, watches him sleep, she fulfills his physical and emotional desires. A good mother, loving and nurturing, who empathizes with the child, will help the child and the future adult to feel loved, protected, not to see the world as a bad and scary place, will help him to trust himself, in life and people. But the role of the mother can sometimes be distorted when she is too protective or when she rejects the child. An overprotective mother will stop the child to become autonomous and independent (especially the daughter), will want to always have to need her. While, the mother who rejects or abandons the child (even temporarily) pushes him to become independent too quickly and too suddenly, to look for maternal affection and support elsewhere.

Also, staying too much and too deeply tied to the mother, living in symbiosis with the mother can become dangerous to the self of the child which needs to evolve, to define as separate being, independent, unique. The father is the one who helps the individual psyche of the child (since 6 months) to get out of the symbiosis with the mother and to develop a separate identity, distinct from the mother’s. The children without a father (because of divorce, separation or death) develop what the psychoanalyst James Herzig calls ‘paternal hungry’ and they may have problems later in the role of parent, in the relationships of the son with other women, for example such as aggression problems and personal affirmation.

A father who is physically present in the family but who is not involved at all in the relationship with his children can wake up the same ‘paternal hunger’ and similar future problems like those listed above.
Finally, it is a challenge to manage to take care and respect for our lives, to develop ourselves, to keep our profession, friends, hobbies and at the same time to grow our children harmoniously. Thus we can avoid reproaching our children later that we made sacrifices for them and that our life has not followed his personal course and we will keep alive a relationship both with ourselves and with our children.

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